NEWS

 

I relocated abroad blinded by love-Mofe-Damijo’s US-based ex-sister-in-law Ann Atta Ezekiel...

                                                                                                                                                              

What has been happening to you lately? Have you relocated back to Nigeria?
Lately, it has been bitter sweet. So much has happened. I have raised four wonderful kids as a single parent for 16 years. Their dad left when my son was less than a year old and my oldest was 11. He left to be with another woman, whom I thought was a relative. First of all, we were never married. Staying together and having kids out of wedlock, everyone thought we were married. Lord have mercy on me. It wasn’t meant for us to be together; I was talked into it not knowing what I was getting into. But thanks be to God Almighty, that was my wilderness journey and my training camp for the calling on me. So now I’m ready to relocate back to Nigeria where I belong, but it has to be God’s time not mine, because He will make all things possible and beautiful in His time. My son is in high school, and my girls now drive their own cars.
Why did you relocate abroad?
I came to the ‘Obodo Oyinbo’ because I was blinded with love, but my eyes opened after I stepped in.
What has the experience been abroad for you?
It’s been a very good experience for me. I see things somewhat differently but in a positive way. America will level you; we are all equal. No matter what or who you are, your position, your wealth, we are equal. You must obey the laws of the land. There is order in the public place. In one word, I’m now more mature.
How about family?
Talking about family, from a family of 12; eight girls and four boys, born of the same father and mother. I’m a twin, but he was still birth. I’m number three in line but after my immediate older sister MEE Mofe died in 1996, I’m now the number two in line. I have four awesome kids, whom God gave me and also used them to help in my training to become a success both outside and inside the ministry. Raising kids in America is different. American kids call the police against their parents, Nigerian kids dare not. But that didn’t deter me from disciplining my kids. My oldest daughter is in college to obtain her master’s degree in criminal justice/criminology. My second daughter was a little bit strong-headed like mom, so she’s still in college studying theatre arts. My third and youngest but tallest amongst all three is in college hopefully to graduate next semester, majoring in journalism. Then the only boy is in high school or secondary school, as we call
it in Nigeria, and will be going to college soon. I went back to college to obtain my associate degree in chemical dependency/drug addiction. God has been good, and always faithful. We give Him all the glory.
If you were not what you are now, what else would you have loved to be?
I will have loved to be married to a real man who can take a look at me, and give me some good satisfaction, just like Jesus gave to the lady at the well, set up a business for my children’s children. I have been attacked so much by the enemy in setting up my business, but guess what? It is still very much alive. I’m not giving up on my God-given dream. It shall come to pass. A good man/woman leaves inheritance for his children’s children.
For a woman, which is better, being a career woman or being a housewife?
Really, the woman is always a housewife. Men need to realise that women do both. I will say being a full-time stay-at-home mom or wife will be better. Mothers, especially need quality time with the kids. Let the husband go on the business trip, bring home the bacon. He’s the head of the home. The woman is the man’s helper. Women can discern better and faster than the man. A woman can sense when the husband is troubled, when the kids are not doing well, even when they try to hide it sometimes. A stay-at-home woman will spend time praying and asking God for showers of blessing to fall on them. A stay-at-home mom will cook the best dinner for the husband and family because she won’t be in a hurry.
A career woman comes back from the office tired and stressed out. No time to pay attention to what’s happening; food is zero. It is whatever the househelp put together. When the woman is all stressed out from office and gets home, and tries getting house chores done, what about bed time? I mean time for bedroom fellowship with your husband? Will she be willing to? Will she enjoy love making? Will the husband enjoy her? Now, I tell you, every home is different. So, husband and wife (not friends and relatives), sit down and map out a plan. Focus on what will work for you. Don’t be a copycat. Your friends might not tell you everything about their homes. I would say it’s better being a stay-at-home mom. But in some homes, circumstances give her no choice.
What was early life like for you?
My early life wasn’t easy going. Lots of struggles, ups and down, trials, tests of various kinds. I have seen some good, bad and ugly people and that has influenced me today. I attended the College of Commerce in Warri, moved to Lagos and attended The Davog School of Catering and Hotel Management. I then moved to the United States to join my fiancé (ex) on January, 28, 1986. There I attended Bishop’s College, a university, for two semesters and stopped. After two kids, I went back to school, Cedar Valley College, for one semester, then stopped again; that was in 1993. Then in year 2012, after four kids, I decided going back to school to obtain my associate degree in Chemical Dependency Counselling at age 54, with a GPA of 3.76. I made the Dean’s list and graduated with honours.
How did you discover that you could cook for a living abroad?
We were born in Ghana, and one day, my mom was at the market selling provisions, and I decided to make mama proud when she came home. I made eba, since there was this good egusi bitter leaf soup. The water didn’t get to a boiling point before pouring the garri in. Eba is instant so it didn’t come out right. Mama made the five of us girls to eat the eba as it was. I got the beating of my life from especially my now late sister, MEE. That actually prompted me to be focused. I was a day student in secondary school unlike my siblings, since the school matron refused my coming to boarding house so I don’t turn it upside down with my friend Florence Jack.
I was always in the kitchen with mama. Mama can cook, wow, yum yum. My very first pot of soup was egusi bitter leaf soup. Mama was out of town, and it was getting late. I was in elementary school; my two older sisters, Becky and Mary, were in boarding school. So, I took it upon myself to cook. Our neighbour, Aunty Rose, was my food coach that day, she is another good cook, she can toast, and it came out excellent. Till this day, my papa never knew I had a coach, and he praised me for a job well done.
Permit me to say this; when people say it takes a village to raise a child, some don’t understand. Our neighbour coached me when my mom was away. Can we still do that now? We get corrections and training, not just from parents, but neighbours as well. I cook all the time. Most people that know me always talk about my food. I had a lot of friends when I was cooking for free. They had surprise parties for their spouse and I cooked for free. But after the father of my four kids abandoned us, I needed to make a living, that was when I saw their true colors. My American clients love my jollof rice, meat pie, and suya, to mention but a few. One of my pastors, Pastor Kuye, won’t eat any meat pie or moin moin, if not from my kitchen. That’s how blessed I am. This past Father’s Day, the ladies celebrated the men in our church. Guess what? I, Lady Hannah, cooked the food.
Do you miss your late sister, MEE?
Of course I do. Her daughter, Onome, is doing fine. Now a graduate, she lives on her own in Atlanta. When I brought her from Nigeria, she stayed with me for three years, then went to stay with my younger in Wisconsin. She’s a very caring and tender-hearted person. She went through a lot herself, God knows best. I miss her. She was always getting angry about me being mistaken for her. She was always coming home asking where i went because someone told her they saw her somewhere (laughs).
What does fashion mean to you?
Personal fashion sense actually speaks or tells who a person is and what you like. I like quality, be it clothing, shoes, jewellery or make-up. Don’t try looking 18 when you are 55 and think you are a fashionista.
There was an event coming up and I didn’t feel the need to wear Iro and Buba. So I took a lace material to my tailor and described for him what I wanted, which was female agbada; one piece that looks like two when worn. I walked into the ball room feeling and looking good. Eyes were on me and so many compliments from both men and women. Not long after that, a lady I know got the same made, even similar colour. She didn’t look good because she is tiny and that wasn’t her style. Now, I for one don’t like big gele (head gear). What I do is, I cut my scarf or head tie in half, tie it in a fashionable way and feel comfortable, and people like it.
When it comes to shoes and handbag, the days of seven inches high heels are gone for me. I can do with three or four-inch heels and be comfortable. I like open toes with good pedicure and manicure. I always have nail polish but because I cook all the time, I keep my finger nails short, well-manicured and still find time to either apply polish or even just clear coat.
Talk of my low cut hair style. I decided to cut it because now I’m left with four kids to raise by myself and I have no time since I do lunch delivery and catering and I can’t stand a lady’s hair looking nappy. My kids cried when they saw my low cut, but I had to explain to them why I did it. I never wanted to color my hair. When I go to the barber’s shop, the guys would beg me not to colour my hair because it had this salt and pepper look. But now my kids made me put color, well, just to please them.
I don’t do weaves; true story. I bought a wig one time and wore it to church. This church was mainly attended by black and white Americans. Believe me I was so uncomfortable, I left for the restroom and took the wig off. When I came back to the service, one of my friends said to me, ‘You look different.’ I said yes, I took the wig off. I’m not comfortable with it. And that was it.
For make-up, I still like my black ladies fashion fair. I use the concealer, then cream to powder make-up. Eye shadow, lipstick, blush, mascara, not all the time.
What kind of clothes do you like wearing?
I like lace made into any style. Pants and skirt suit. I like casual, simple but looking nice most of the time. Again, I try to dress depending on the weather. I like bright colours, but not the Hausa bright. I don’t like tight clothes. I don’t have the time to be pulling and adjusting when I’m supposed to be having fun. I have respect for my body. I don’t wear anything that would expose what doesn’t need to be exposed. Having your boobs hanging out does not mean you look good. Sometimes, you look stupid. I go through this with my girls a lot. Cover properly or you won’t go to church with me. Fashion and Style is beautifully beautiful, not foolish.
What determines the kind of clothes you wear in a day?
My feelings determine the clothes I wear each day. It all depends on how I feel and the mood I’m in that day. It also has to do with the occasion. Going to the grocery store is just jeans, T shirt and flip flop. Sunday service, I try to look my best for God.
What fashion accessories can you not do without?
I can’t do without a wrist watch. I’m time-conscious. I can do without necklace, but earring is a must at all times. I like matching set of necklace, earring, bangles, and rings, but not in excess. A gold ring on the left finger and one on the right finger is fine with me. I like diamonds, fine silver and pure gold. If God put diamond, jasper or topaz on Lucifer for him to look beautiful, common!
In what ways would you say that fashion is relevant to today’s woman?
Fashion is very relevant to today’s woman in that it tells who you are. Some people who see you all the time but don’t know your name can only describe you by what you wear. Well, you would not want them to say that lady that is always raggedy (laughs).
How do you describe success?
I describe success as an accomplishment of a desired goal or project. For instance, going back to school at age 54 to obtain a degree in Applied Science is success. Putting my kids through university as a single parent without any support is success.
What do you value most?
Myself. I value myself so much. I refused to let any man abuse me or disvalue me. I would rather remain single than have a man devalue me.
Was yours love at first sight? And how did your marriage turn out the way it did?
That was in 1977, during the inter-house sport in my school. He came with a friend of his who was dating my friend, and the rest is history. It was an off and on relationship, since I moved to Lagos after secondary school. He came to the United States in 1984 and then my late sister came to visit in the US. It was after she came back to Nigeria, that she got my passport, visa, ticket and before I knew it I was here in 1986. Thank God we never got married, but I was answering his name. He’s been trying to come back, but there is no vacancy, I’m occupied. He married an Itshekiri lady because of green card. Well I got my green card without marrying anybody. Why marry someone just for what you can get and not what you can give? He wanted to come back but I said no, because I refused to be used and cheated on. Well, he’s Itshekiri and I’m Isoko/Urhobo. That wasn’t the bad aspect of it but infidelity.
I never chased him out; he left on his own. The grace and hand of God is what is keeping me and the kids to date. Four beautiful children. How good is it when you as a parent didn’t contribute to the upbringing of your kids? It’s victory.
So now, what do you consider the secret of marriage success?
The secret of marriage success is what I can give to the other person to see that he/she is happy and comfortable. It is not being selfish. The other thing is communication. If there is no communication, how do you know what the other person is going through? Whenever a man or woman is avoiding communication in the home, please turn to the wall and ask God who sees in secret to show you what’s going on. Communicating brings out a lot of hidden treasures.
The other thing is agreement. The bible tells us, can two walk together except they be in agreement? Agreement is not just what you say with your mouth but what’s in your heart. The word of God is true. When two of you are intimate in truth, there is nothing that you touch and agree on that will not work. There is always conception in agreement; spiritual to physical produces pregnancy; which is a child. The other is wealth, health, joy, peace to mention but a few.
Are you fulfilled?
No and yes, I’m getting there because there was so much going back to do some things all over again. But all the same, I thank God for where I am right now. We’re getting there someday soon.
Tell us a few things you remember about your childhood and a few you remember about your parents.
As a child of about age four or five, I was stolen. We were in Ghana, Takoradi. My abductors couldn’t use me for whatever plan they had. They had to abandon me somewhere and a woman found me and took me to the king’s palace. The king’s men were sent to make an announcement about a missing child in the king’s palace. I remember my dad and two of our uncles came to claim me. My dad was wearing khaki shorts with white socks, brown shoes and a white short- sleeve shirt, looking smart and sharp. I was right by the king. I fell asleep with bread and butter in my hand.
Of course, my dad has to pay the fine before I was released. In Ghana, money wasn’t an issue for my dad. He had this large provision store named God is Love Store. My dad loved my mum. I saw love until we came back to Nigeria. The love was still there, but not as before. Papa would fight to protect that which belonged to him. I was very close to my dad, to the
extent that he died in my arms in 1985. Papa never saw the four walls of a classroom, but he commanded English and helped us with our assignments. Papa taught us how to dress and match colours. He taught us how to iron with cold starch when I was in elementary school. As for Mama, she can cook. I acquired my cooking talent from her. But she is too quiet and soft. My mom welcomes relatives from both sides of the family to stay in our little house which everyone likes coming into. They are both very dedicated members of the Anglican Church in Warri.
What does glamour mean to you now?
To me glamour means to stand out in a crowd. From your hair to make up, your outfit, accessories and your steps. A lady should be glamorous when going to church, banquet, dinner, almost everywhere. She must know what to wear when going for a banquet and when going to a meeting with other executives.
Do you have time for leisure?
Yes, I create time for myself.
How do you spend your holiday?

I spend my holidays with my kids and sometimes friends. Since I’m the chief cook, my friends prefer coming over to my place. Thanksgiving is a big celebration in our home. I make two, sometimes three big turkeys, large full size pan of corn bread, sweet potatoes, greens and all. Christmas is rice and stew. We set the food on the table, eat as much as we can, drink, wine and watch movies all day till the middle of the night. Some friends are already asking me about thanksgiving.